The Shark

Let’s check in with the irreverent mind behind Uncensored Interview’s blog, The Shark, for another installment of Uncensored Thursdays…

Never before in most of our lifetimes has the need to maintain employment been so dire. People are literally clinging onto their jobs for dear life, hoping the bloody recession axe slices just above their heads and takes out some other unfortunate douchebag.

I was walking by the unemployment office the other day when I noticed three hookers and a coke dealer waiting in line. You know things are bad when hookers are being laid off! Now who will suck the dicks of all of those greedy, coked-up Wall Street execs who piloted their companies into the ground? Certainly not their wives! It’s a sad, sad situation for America.

Last month I propositioned that being Indie means having a crappy job, but what is an indie kid to do when employment is unavailable at even the crappiest of crappy jobs? Even in a recession, bills still have to be paid, debt still has to be taken care of and new tight pants and newspaper-boy hats have to be purchased:

READ ON for the rest of this week’s Uncensored Thursdays…

Let’s check in with the irreverent mind behind Uncensored Interview’s blog, The Shark, for another installment of Uncensored Thursdays…

Hey there downtrodden victim of the current financial crisis, don’t look so dour! Lots of people all across America have suddenly lost their jobs just like you and have found themselves wondering “What the fuck am I gonna do to support myself and/or my vicious $400 a day coke habit?”

The first thought that crosses your mind is to apply at the local Starbucks (the one on your corner, not the one across the street from the one on your corner) and become a part-time barista. Hey, they have health care and decent pay. READ ON for more from The Shark…

Let’s check in with the irreverent mind behind Uncensored Interview’s blog, The Shark, for another installment of Uncensored Thursdays…

One of the main reasons people give for not being more environmentally friendly is how much effort and money it takes to live greener. Sure, converting your automobile to biodiesel and installing solar panels on your dog might be a little extreme and therefore not for everyone, but it’s not actually not that hard to start living a more eco-friendly life. In fact, I realized the other day that I live one of the greenest lives out of anyone I know, and it’s all because of one special trait that I proudly carry: LAZINESS.

For decades, eco-enthusiasts have made valiant efforts to show ordinary people that by exerting just a little more energy, they can help save the planet. Sounds easy enough, right? Then why are people, for the most part, still refusing to heed the call to help ensure a better future? Four simple words, folks: People Are Fucking Lazy.

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Can I borrow five bucks? No, don’t laugh, I’m serious. I just wasted a ton of hard-earned money purchasing this great little mom-and-pop operation called AIG. Well, technically it was the government who wasted my money for me, even though I didn’t ask them to.

But I’m sure things will work out for me in the end. I mean, I now am a co-owner of the largest insurance company in the world, and I’m confident that I can help turn things around and make us some cash. I just need to make sure the other 301,139,946 co-owners are on board with me.

So that five bucks we talked about, do you think I can have it by lunchtime? I hear McDonald’s has added three new items to the Dollar Menu.

In all seriousness though, the mood around here (and by here I mean the United States) has gotten a little too sobering for me. Some people are even predicting the end of the world is nigh, citing the stock market crash, natural disasters like the earthquake in China and Hurricane Ike, and the fact that the Cubs are favored to win the World Series.

I understand that we’re in a fiscal crisis and all, and we’re on the cusp of potentially voting a dinosaur and a woman who doesn’t believe in dinosaurs into the highest office in the land in a few months, but c’mon America – lighten up! Things could be much worse – at least you’re not Detroit. Oh wait, Detroit is a part of America. Scratch that.

But I’m not here to scare you even further into hibernation this winter. I’m here to help you survive this recession economy with handy money saving tips, like this one from The All For Nots:

READ ON for the conclusion of Uncensored Thursdays…

New Yorkers love to complain that major party presidential candidates overlook them, figuring that NY is and will forever be a blue state. This may be true, but I know of an even more shunned group of people who barely get even a passing glance come election season: the indie crowd.

The explosion of the “indie movement” (whatever the fuck that means) in recent years signals a significant change in the direction that the music industry is taking – less major labels, more DIY. You’d think that a smart, ambitious candidate would notice this and try to take advantage of the ever-growing number of impressionable, voting-age indie music fans and scenesters. But no, not even youth demi-god Barack Obama has attempted to reach out to this overlooked, under-appreciated vein of potential voting gold, instead preferring to pander to mainstream music fans and buddy up with major label acts like Bon Jovi. I guess he’s hoping to lock up that coveted “32- to 50-year-old Jerseyan with bad music taste” demographic.

READ ON for more of this week’s Uncensored Thursdays…